Minnesota Governor Tim Walz may have spent years crafting an image as a man of the people, but recent revelations from his college days paint a far more cunning, rule-bending portrait of the Democratic vice-presidential nominee. According to a former roommate, Walz isn’t just a sharp political operator—he’s also a master of bending the rules at two of America’s most beloved board games: Monopoly and Scrabble.
In an exclusive interview, this unnamed source, whom we’ll refer to as “Greg” (because no one named Steve would dare challenge a sitting governor over board game ethics), described Walz’s antics in shocking detail. According to Greg, Walz’s mastery of underhanded tactics at Monopoly and Scrabble left a trail of broken friendships and frustrated competitors in their college dorm.
“He’d talk a big game about fairness and strategy,” Greg began, still visibly shaken from years of emotional board game trauma. “But once the dice hit the board, it was every man for himself—and Walz would stop at nothing to win.”
Monopoly, the ultimate game of wheeling and dealing, may seem like a fitting match for any aspiring politician. However, it appears that Walz took the term “capitalist conquest” to a whole new level.
“Walz was notorious for sneaking extra $500 bills from the bank when no one was looking,” Greg revealed. “We’d be deep into the game, and suddenly he’d have enough money to buy Boardwalk, put a hotel on it, and then somehow manage to weasel his way out of paying rent on my properties. He’d say things like, ‘Let’s negotiate, it’s in everyone’s best interest.’ It was infuriating.”
Apparently, his smooth-talking ability was unparalleled—even in the cutthroat world of Monopoly. Greg recounts how Walz would convince other players to accept absurd trades, only for them to realize too late that they’d been played.
“He’d offer you the Reading Railroad for Marvin Gardens, throw in some free rent for a turn, and suddenly you’d be broke while he was sitting pretty with hotels everywhere,” Greg lamented. “And if you called him out on it? He’d give you this politician smile, like, ‘I’m just following the rules.’ But he made up the rules as he went along.”
The scandal doesn’t stop with the Monopoly board, either. Greg claims that Walz would often engage in “creative interpretation” of the game’s written rules—such as the infamous “Free Parking” cash pot, which he insisted was part of the official game.
“No one could argue with him,” Greg said, shaking his head. “He’d have you believing in house rules that don’t even exist.”
Scrabble may be a game of letters and linguistic finesse, but to Walz, it was just another opportunity to bend the rules in his favor. According to Greg, Walz’s Scrabble strategy was built on obscure words, loopholes, and—when all else failed—sheer bluffing.
“He always had the best letters,” Greg explained. “Looking back, I’m convinced he was stacking the tile bag or sneaking extra tiles when we weren’t paying attention. How does someone consistently pull out seven-letter words when the rest of us are struggling with three-letter words like ‘cat’?”
The real scandal, however, was Walz’s uncanny ability to drop obscure words that no one had ever heard of. “He’d throw down ‘qiviut’ without blinking, and when we’d challenge him, he’d somehow pull out a dictionary from thin air,” Greg recounted. “It was like he knew we’d question him, and he was always ready to prove us wrong.”
The worst part? Most of these words were technically valid—albeit suspiciously specific. “Sure, it’s a type of Arctic wool,” Greg admitted. “But how many college kids are playing Scrabble with the word ‘qiviut’ in their vocabulary? It wasn’t fair.”
Walz’s Scrabble skills eventually earned him the nickname “The Word Whisperer” among his peers, but not without resentment. “He’d find loopholes in the rules—like placing tiles diagonally, claiming it was some obscure Scrabble rule no one knew about. He’d win the game by a landslide, and we’d all sit there dumbfounded.”
Greg recalled the fateful day when the final straw was drawn during a game night featuring both Monopoly and Scrabble, which has since gone down in college legend as “The Great Betrayal.” It was the night that severed Greg and Walz’s board game friendship forever.
“We were in the middle of a heated Monopoly session,” Greg recalled. “I had just landed on his hotel-riddled Boardwalk, and there was no way I could afford the rent. Suddenly, Tim starts trying to ‘negotiate’ his way out of me paying. He wanted me to trade my utilities and skip a turn in exchange for a measly $200 discount. I had enough.”
Greg flipped the board, stormed out of the dorm, and vowed never to play Monopoly or Scrabble with Walz again. “I realized then that if he cheats at Monopoly, what else would he cheat at? Politics, perhaps?”
The burning question remains: Has Tim Walz’s rule-bending, money-grabbing behavior in board games seeped into his political life? While his former roommate doesn’t make that direct connection, he suggests that anyone willing to manipulate the rules in Monopoly might be willing to do so in other arenas.
“Look, I don’t want to say Tim’s a bad guy,” Greg said, sipping his coffee thoughtfully. “But when you see someone bend the rules to win a game of Monopoly, it does make you wonder about their approach to life and leadership. Maybe that’s just the nature of politics, but I think people should know about his board game history.”
Greg’s comments have sparked debate in political circles. Can a candidate’s Monopoly strategy really reflect their potential as a leader? Some say yes. Others argue that a little friendly cheating is just part of the fun.
Unsurprisingly, the revelation has sparked a wave of memes, social media debates, and late-night talk show jokes. Twitter erupted with #MonopolyGate, where users debated the ethics of board game cheating in light of a potential vice presidency. “If he cheats at Monopoly, he’ll cheat the system,” one user tweeted.
Others were more forgiving. “So what if he cheats at Monopoly?” a supporter tweeted. “I’d rather have a savvy politician who knows how to get what he wants than one who’s too ‘honest’ to win.”
While the cheating allegations may not be enough to derail Walz’s political career, they’ve certainly added an interesting layer to his public persona. Whether or not board game ethics matter in the grand scheme of things is up for debate, but one thing’s for sure—Tim Walz is a formidable opponent, both at the game table and in politics.
As for Greg? He’s moved on from the betrayal, but the memories of Walz’s board game treachery still linger. “I guess he was always destined for politics,” Greg mused. “After all, politics is just one big game, and Tim’s been practicing for years.”
NOTE: This is SATIRE, it’s not true.
This Story Was Contributed By Hawaii For President Trump’s Third Term
