In a stunning twist, Hollywood legend Jon Voight and Republican vice-presidential nominee J.D. Vance have both publicly turned down any future business with iconic Pittsburgh eatery Primanti Bros., claiming the beloved sandwich chain has gone “woke.” While most people would jump at the chance to land a $100 million sponsorship and an endless supply of fries-on-sandwich combos, Voight has drawn a hard line. His reason? “No amount of money is worth aligning with a woke sandwich shop.”

The controversy started with an eye-popping offer: Primanti Bros. allegedly reached out to Jon Voight, offering him a $100 million sponsorship deal and a lifetime of sandwiches in exchange for his endorsement. The actor, known for his right-wing views and unwavering support of conservative causes, initially seemed interested in the deal. But, after learning that the Pittsburgh staple had made public statements promoting inclusivity and partnered with progressive causes, Voight immediately pulled the plug.

“They offered me more money than I’ll ever need and as many sandwiches as I could eat,” Voight said during an impromptu video on his social media channels. “But what good are the sandwiches if they’re served with a side of wokeness? Primanti Bros. has lost its way. They used to stand for great sandwiches, now they stand for political correctness.”

Primanti Bros. has been a part of Pittsburgh’s cultural fabric for over 90 years. Known for their gut-busting sandwiches topped with coleslaw and French fries, they’ve fed steelworkers, college students, and tourists alike. But when the restaurant launched a new marketing campaign that emphasized inclusivity, supporting various social causes, and partnering with LGBTQ+ organizations, it triggered a storm that no one could have foreseen.

Jon Voight was quick to criticize the campaign, which celebrated the diversity of Primanti’s workforce and their customer base. In his eyes, it was yet another sign that even the world of sandwiches had fallen to the “woke agenda.” And he wasn’t alone in his disgust.

“Primanti’s used to be about real, working-class food,” Voight continued in his video. “Now they’re pandering to every special interest group they can find. I’m a man of principles, and if standing up for what’s right means turning down $100 million, so be it. No one’s buying my silence with woke sandwiches.”

As if Jon Voight’s rejection wasn’t enough, Ohio senator and vice-presidential candidate J.D. Vance had his own bone to pick with Primanti Bros. The restaurant reportedly refused Vance entry to their North Versailles, Pennsylvania location during a recent campaign stop. Vance was hoping to meet with supporters and enjoy a quick sandwich before continuing his campaign trail. But when he arrived, the restaurant manager told him he wasn’t welcome, claiming it “wasn’t a campaign stop.”

The move didn’t sit well with Vance, who quickly fired back in statements and on social media, accusing Primanti Bros. of “political discrimination.” Vance’s team claimed that the same restaurant had previously hosted Vice President Kamala Harris for a private event, further fueling allegations of bias.

“This is just another example of how the woke mob has taken over,” Vance said in a statement. “If you don’t support their narrative, they shut you out—literally. I came for a sandwich, not a political lecture. But apparently, if you’re a conservative, you’re not welcome at Primanti Bros.”

While Vance’s supporters were outraged by the snub, many pointed out the irony of the situation. As one political commentator quipped, “Only in America would we have a culture war over sandwiches.”

Caught in the middle of this unexpected culture war, Primanti Bros. attempted to defuse the situation with a carefully worded public statement. The restaurant defended its commitment to inclusivity while expressing regret over the backlash.

“We’ve been proud to serve all members of the Pittsburgh community for nearly a century,” the statement read. “Our commitment to diversity, inclusion, and supporting causes that make a positive impact on society will not change. We regret that Mr. Voight has chosen not to partner with us, and we wish him well in all his future endeavors. As for Senator Vance, the events on the day of his visit were due to logistical confusion, not political bias.”

Despite the diplomatic response, the damage had already been done. Conservative media outlets latched onto the story, painting Primanti Bros. as yet another company that had succumbed to “woke culture” at the expense of alienating a significant portion of its customer base.

While some fans applauded Voight and Vance for standing up for their beliefs, others were baffled by the uproar. Social media lit up with both praise and ridicule, with many debating whether a sandwich shop should even be involved in the political discourse of the day.

“Jon Voight turned down $100 million because of… sandwiches?” one Twitter user wrote. “I get it, man, but this is getting ridiculous. It’s a sandwich shop, not a think tank.”

Others felt more strongly, vowing to boycott Primanti Bros. over what they saw as political discrimination against conservatives. “First, they come for our values, now they’re coming for our sandwiches,” another user tweeted. “Primanti Bros. is just another casualty of the woke agenda. Sad.”

Meanwhile, longtime customers of the restaurant were left shaking their heads. “I’ve been eating at Primanti’s for 30 years,” said one Pittsburgh native. “I don’t care what their politics are as long as they keep making great sandwiches. This whole thing is crazy.”

While Jon Voight and J.D. Vance may have turned their backs on Primanti Bros., the question remains: will this controversy have any lasting impact on the iconic sandwich chain? For now, Primanti’s seems to be weathering the storm, continuing to serve its fries-on-sandwich creations to a hungry and diverse crowd. But with calls for boycotts growing louder from some conservative circles, the restaurant may face challenges ahead.

As for Voight, his stance has been clear from the beginning. “I’ve spent my life standing up for what’s right, and I’m not about to sell out for a sandwich,” he said. “They may have gone woke, but I’m staying true to my principles.”

J.D. Vance echoed similar sentiments, adding that his boycott of Primanti Bros. would continue until the restaurant made a public apology. “I’m not asking for much,” Vance said. “Just the right to grab a sandwich without politics being shoved down my throat.”

As the sandwich wars rage on, one thing is clear: America’s culture wars have officially spilled over into the culinary world. Whether it’s Jon Voight turning down millions over “woke sandwiches” or J.D. Vance being turned away at the door, the political divide has never been more evident—or more absurd.

In the end, this may simply be the latest chapter in the saga of businesses caught between political ideologies. For Primanti Bros., the challenge will be balancing its longstanding tradition with the new realities of doing business in a politically charged environment.

As for Jon Voight and J.D. Vance, they may have lost their favorite sandwich joint, but they’ve gained something far more important: the respect of their base and the ability to keep their principles intact.

And in a world where everything—even sandwiches—seems to have a political slant, maybe that’s worth more than $100 million and a lifetime of fries-on-sandwiches.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, it’s not True.